Posts

April 13, 2018

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Today is the day that I could have been a mom. It was my projected due date. I’ve watched so many become parents for the second, third, fourth time since then. It’s a hard day. It’s hard to share these thoughts, but I feel compelled to. This is what I put in my journal MONTHS ago.  If I’m not meant to be a mother, what am I meant for? That is the big question I have right now. Maybe I will find an answer. Only God knows. It’s the ONE thing I ever thought I’d be good at. Being a Mom. Now what, God?  What am I to be? I haven’t blogged about this, or really even talked about it that much. I don’t know that I even have the words still.  Back in May my birthday fell on Mother’s Day, which was tough. I had found out that my odds of having a baby were 1%. I wrote these words in my journal right after I found out about my fertility odds. I blogged about it here: http://citywifeinacountrylife.blogspot.com/2017/05/birthday.html I can’t describe how m...

Birthday

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Today (May 14, 2017) is Mother’s Day, and it’s my Birthday. I am 41. I am grateful to be alive and incredibly thankful for the gifts God has given me. I have so many wonderful friends, an amazing Mom, a niece that I love dearly, a big sister who taught me a lot about life, and countless cousins that I love. I also have the most caring, tenderhearted, kind, giving, handsome, honorable, God fearing husband. My heart is full. My life is full. I am overwhelmed.  This day is bittersweet. I love Mother’s Day. I love celebrating the woman who gave birth to me, and raised me and my sister all on her own. She sacrificed her life for mine in so many ways. She was the first person to show me Christ. I love her beyond measure and she loves me even more.  What makes today bitter is that I am not a mother, and I will never be. Ever since I was a child I thought I would be a mom. When I thought about what I wanted to be when I grew up Mom was always on the list. I adore child...

Thunderwith

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Remember when the Hallmark channel didn’t exist? You would wait for weeks for the next Hallmark Hall of Fame movie to be aired on television. This was regular television. No cable needed. There were so many good movies put out by Hallmark during that time. They still make good movies, but back then they seemed special.  You’d already be crying from the movie, and then they would play the Hallmark commercials and make you cry more. I loved these movies. Recently I was searching the internet for my favorite Hallmark Hall of Fame, Echo of Thunder. I once had bought this movie on VHS, so I thought maybe I could find it on DVD. No such luck. I did however find the book the movie was based upon. I highly recommend this young adult novel. It’s called “Thunderwith,” and was written by Libby Hathorn.   It is a story of a young girl named Lara Ritchie. Her lighthearted, full of life, and adventure seeking mother passes away and she is sent to live with her father whom she has ne...

Weight Loss is Hard

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Can I just say that losing weight is so HARD? Especially when you’re old like me. Young people, I urge you to take good care of your body while you’re young so that it’s not such a struggle when you get old.  Today at the gym I was on the dreaded StairMaster. I seriously have a love/hate relationship with that thing. I love what it has done for my cardiovascular system. I’m in way better shape now than when I was just running/jogging. When I started the StairMaster I was able to run for at least 40 minutes. I’m proud of that, but I was running on a treadmill that I could run on a slight decline. It was a good goal reached none the less. Now I can run on the treadmill at an incline for just as long, if not longer. Stairs don’t phase me and I’m just all around stronger. So, today I’m on the StairMaster and this really young skinny chick gets on the treadmill next to me and her friend comes up and is encouraging her to make her incline higher and asks how long she is running. She...

WWMS? What Would Meatyard Say?

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When I was in college, photography saved me. I have never been a school person. I know what you’re thinking, why am I a teacher? I love learning now. I hated school, because I never felt smart enough. The truth is that I never learned the study skills I needed and I was not very disciplined. In college I started out in psychology. I thought I would become a counselor, and I really wanted to be a profiler. Mostly, because I watched a lot of television and movies. Once I reached my third year in college I wanted to quit. I didn’t think I could do more school. I even took a semester off. When I went back I decided I would change my major. I had taken an art class before that break and decided I would sign up for all art classes. I knew I liked photography, because I did it in high school. I was right. I loved everything about photography. I loved scouting out the perfect shot. The world opened up for me behind the lens. One of my favorite things about photography was the darkroom. I wo...

Master of Stairs

One of the things I love about Facebook is all the advice you can get from people. A memory post from 2013 came up from when I first started running, and the comments and advice that I got from my Facebook friends were so great. Back then I could only run for minutes at a time. I remember how my calves would scream in pain. I had to take ibuprofen sometimes before my workout, just to get through. I did the couch to 5k app, and that really helped me get started. It took me forever to get to the point where I could run for long periods of time without stopping.  Fast forward to today, and I can run for miles. I’m still slow, but I can run. A couple of months ago my husband and I ran on the road that we live on. We walk this road almost daily. It’s a gravel road. Since I’m a “city girl,” it has taken me some time to get used to the gravel. At first my ankles were week. I have been running for a few years now, but I always ran on cement, or a treadmill. This was completely different...

I Am Not My Hair

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Pinterest is a great site. I’m on there a lot getting ideas for art projects, recipes, and D.I.Y projects.   I love finding things like recipes for lip balm, or lotion.   A couple of years ago I found a recipe for homemade lotion on Pinterest that I absolutely loved. I keep a batch made at all times. Anyone who knows me, knows that while I’m very much into products, I try to be healthy, and use products that I think are safe. Recently I have been growing my hair out really long. It has always been long, but I am trying to grow it out ridiculously long. I want it to be healthy. I dry my hair with the hair dryer a lot, so I’m always concerned with damage and drying it out. I was on Pinterest and saw all these shampoo recipes. All the pinners said it lathered, smelled good, and was amazing for their hair. Side note: I saw the whole “nopoo” thing too, and thought, "No way. I need to feel clean. I need to lather my hair up every day, and my hair needs to smell good." This rec...